Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Snowman

Klaus Kristin's mother nearly died in a fall in the Himalayas, but was rescued by a Yeti. After nearly deviating into Yeti-on-human pornography, Klaus is eventually born, and about 25 years later, he's a half-yeti albino who needs cold weather to survive. Miraculously, he's able to pass himself off as human, and is in fact a champion skiier. But since, at the time of the Snowman's introduction, Olympic athletes were amateurs, and his need for cold required frequent and expensive travel to colder climates, Klaus Kristin was forced to become a jewel thief, and with an ability to freeze things, he made short work of alarm systems and security guards.

Pros: The sequence where Klaus's mother is rescued and romanced by the Yeti is pretty fantastic (click to enlarge):

How can you not love a scene where a woman sleeps with a yeti without realizing he's a yeti?

Cons: Did I mention that the Snowman is half human, half yeti? And Mr. Freeze is a much better freezing things villain. Plus, the yeti love scene might be a little off putting to most. I'd say all, but I'm sure there's a message board dedicated to people who are really into that.

How I'd do it: Turn the lights down low in the cave, put on some Barry White, and do what comes natural to a sexy young thing and an abominable snowman.

Casting Guesses: Peter Mayhew obviously needs to play the father. The depictions of Klaus in non-Snowman mode really look like Simon Baker, so I'd go with him.

Verdict: Don't hold your breath.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, that's... shocking.